


Getting older

by Jun0001



Category: Star Wars
Genre: Anakin is Jedi knight, Gen, Jabiim aftermath, M/M, Maybe closer to rots novelization characters, Multi, Other, Scars, War, also character personality a bit, hahaha I screwed with timeline
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-02
Updated: 2017-05-02
Packaged: 2018-10-26 21:31:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,198
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10795146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jun0001/pseuds/Jun0001
Summary: Obi-wan has whip scars after Jabim. Anakin sees and is upset





	Getting older

He would never have admitted it to anybody, but the war suited Anakin very well. He was a good general, a good pilot, a good fighter, good mechanic, good at almost everything to do with war, except for medic duty. And he liked fighting, for the most part. Anakin was naturally attracted to danger, and war was exciting and dangerous. The aftermath of battle was always terrible, especially near civilian areas, but even then at least he could be busy and productive. With the grueling pace of battles and missions, he almost always slept well and dreamt little. He never had to think about Tatooine or his mother, or his growing rages. There was no time to think about anything other than the situation at hand. And for the first time in his life, he felt well liked and respected. He'd probably won more friendship and trust from his fellow Jedi in the first six months of the war than in the entire 10 years he'd spent in the temple as a Palawan. And (again something he would rather jump into a pit of gundarks than admit out loud) away from the cold glares of the Jedi masters in the temple, he was able to stomach food more often and had gained almost 10 kg. He had also grown another 7 or 8 cm and was secretly very proud of his new size.

It took Anakin a long time to realize that the war really did not suit Obi-wan. Obi-wan never seemed to mind anything, he just placidly followed along behind Anakin, making his usual self-depricating jokes and sitting so quietly in meetings that Anakin often wondered if he had fallen asleep. But then all of a sudden he would come out with a brilliant solution or tactic and the clones would stare at him with their mouths open. He was the rock Anakin tethered himself to as he blew around in his self-made storms, ensuring he never went too far over the edge. It had always been that way and Anakin expected it to always be that way, which is maybe part of why the discovery disturbed him so much.

Obi-wan had shaved while he was recovering from Jabiim to make the healing process of his face easier. Anakin had been slightly shocked at how young Obi-wan actually looked. Some people, Anakin noticed, looked older when they were tired or stressed or sad, but it made Obi-wan looked younger. He looked like a little boy in the body of a middle aged man. And without his beard, it was painfully obvious when he was worrying about something.

Obi-wan had been so young when he had taken Anakin on as a padawan, he hadn't been able to really grow a beard until Anakin was fifteen or so. Instead he grew long stubbly hairs for a few months until Master Windu finally ordered him to "go shave that ridiculous thing off your face." and he was forced to start over again. Anakin hadn't been sure why he was so determined to grow facial hair when it clearly was not an aspect he was genetically gifted in, but now that he'd gotten a chance to see beardless Obi-wan as an adult, he hypothesized it was one of Obi-wan's many ways of hiding while simultaneously hiding he was hiding ("Not hiding, Anakin. I am just trying to look presentable.") Over the past few months Obi-wan often muttered incoherently to himself for several minutes while rubbing his now hairless face, trying to decide whether to bother growing back the beard. Anakin privately hoped he wouldn't, he found Obi-wan's boyishness endearing, and he was much easier to read when he couldn't conceal most of his expression behind the beard. But on this particular day part of him wished Obi-wan still had his beard, because his unprotected face only contributed to Anakin's realization.

"Obi-wan! Wake up, we've got a new mission! Master Yoda just sent it, we're supposed to leave in an hour for the outer rim." Anakin burst into Obi-wan's room waving the holopad. They'd only returned to the temple a few days before, but already Anakin had begun to feel restless, and he was relieved for the new mission.

"Ah, already?" Obi-wan mumbled, blinking blearily at the holopad as Anakin energetically pulled up the shades to his windows. "Allright, allright, just let me use the fresher and we can head down." Obi-wan rose stiffly from the bed and stumbled over to the fresher door. Anakin sat down on the now vacant bed and looked happily around the room. It was almost entirely empty except for the standard bed and desk, but the whole room radiated with Obi-Wan's presence. It soothed his jangling nerves, just as it always had throughout his childhood, when he'd snuck in at night after nightmares or when Obi-wan would bring him back to patch him up after he got into fights with the other padawans. As he smeared Anakin's cuts and bruises with bacta ointment Obi-wan used to lecture him on the restraint and inner peace necessary for all Jedi, while Anakin bristled with silent resentment. Until one day Obi-wan paused, sighed, and turned Anakin to face him. Speaking haltingly and almost nervously, Obi-wan had said, "Anakin, listen, I understand why you do it. I used to do it too when I was your age. But you have to understand you're giving them what they want if you turn it into a physical fight. Maybe it's too much to ask you to ignore them... but I want you to understand why they do what they do, before you react. If you still decide to fight... well, as your master I can't condone it.... But it should be your choice to fight, rather than the dictate of your emotions." Obi-wan looked so conflicted and lost at that moment Anakin fogot his anger at him and grabbed his hands, promising he wouldn't fight anymore. 

Of course he'd barely kept the promise for a week, but that had been the first moment Anakin had realized there was something more in Obi-wan's past, something he was hiding ("not hiding, Anakin; it's called avoiding unpleasant subjects that make the listener uncomfortable."). And it was the start of Anakin's protective feelings towards his master. As he'd grown older, and convinced Obi-wan he wouldn't kill himself blowing up one of his mechanical projects or racing speeder bikes through the temple halls, Obi-wan had grown more and more relaxed around Anakin, but also more and more absent minded about looking after himself; until eventually Anakin realized that if he didn't remind him of meal times and the need for sleep, Obi-wan would probably keep working until he collapsed. These realizations both worried and pleased Anakin. Of course it wasn't good Obi-wan was so lackadaisical with his health, but he liked being the only one his master trusted with his vulnerabilities. To the outside world, Obi-wan was always calm, always polite, always lying. ("Not lying, Anakin. It's called being diplomatic.") But with Anakin, he could laugh and joke, and forget things or mumble to himself as he worked out some problem in his head. 

"I knew I should have done laundry yesterday." Obi-wan muttered as he left the fresher, breaking Anakin out of his thoughts. He was still looking tired and his hair was sticking up in all directions. He had on only pants and was rummaging through the laundry bin, sniffing experimentally at the tunics. Anakin started to laugh at him, but as Obi-wan bent over again he froze, stomach turning over in horror.

Obi-wan's back was covered in angry red scars, clearly made by some type of whip. It was a mess, thick and glossy and swollen looking still. Anakin felt dizzy. His hands shook, one of his rages was coming on, and he knew he had to get out before he exploded and took it out on Obi-wan. But he couldn't seem to move in the right direction. On autopilot, he stood and jerkily walked towards Obi-wan, eyes still transfixed on his back.

Now that he was looking, he realized how much weight Obi-wan had lost. He had always been a small man, Anakin had outgrown him by the time he was sixteen. But now he looked tiny, ribs poking out in all directions and pants slipping without a belt. He had dark bruises under his eyes and his skin was waxy and dry, he looked vaguely sick. Unable to stop himself, Anakin reached out and touched one of his shoulder blades, recoiling at the hard uneven masses of scarring. Obi-wan looked back at him, one eyebrow raised. Seeing his expression, Obi-wan frowned and turned to face him, hand hovering over his arm. "Anakin, are you allright?"

Anakin swayed feverishly. He suddenly realized he had not slept since they returned to the temple. "Your- your back-"

Obi-wan looked confused. Looking down, he spoke carefully "The scars? I thought you knew, I was out for so long after Jabiim... I assumed the healers would have told you." Then more gently, "They're only scars, Anakin." He smiled, "You and I have both had much worse."

"But- this-" Anakin couldn't put it into words. The scars on Obi-wan's back were more than just scars, they represented something far worse. He'd seen similar scars on slaves as a boy, his mother had a few. Unbidden, he flashed back to the blood, the smell of rot, her broken body the night he found her in the Tusken camp. He closed his eyes, willing himself not to explode. After all, none of this was Obi-Wan's fault, he reminded himself. Come on, you know Obi-wan. He doesn't think about these things. 

"Anakin? Anakin, can you hear me? Here, sit down." Obi-wan gently pushed him back down to sit on the edge of the bed and knelt in front of him. "Anakin, are you allright?"

Anakin closed his eyes, breathing heavily and clenching his fists. He tried to count backwards slowly, 10... 9... 8... Who had taught him to do that? Mom. Mom, I wish you were here, I wish you'd tell me everything is allright. You could've calmed me down and made Obi-wan take care of himself and made everything better...

"Ani, dinner time. Come on, Watto can't make you work all through the night. If he gives you trouble, I'll talk to him." His mother held out her hand to him and he ran to her, still oily from the junkyard. She folded him into her arms and listened as he wept bitterly about how unfair Watto was, how it wasn't his fault one of the customers had bumped into the pebble droids he was stacking, breaking several. "Oh Ani, I know. But don't litsen to anything Watto tells you. He is weak and takes it out on those who don't deserve it. You are my wonderful, smart boy. Never believe anything he says about you."

And then Obi-wan, hair barely grown out from his padawan crop, brow creased and leaning over a medkit, probably only a year or two older than he himself is now. "I just want you to understand why they do what they do. If you can understand, they are not nearly as powerful." He bends his head down farther, seemingly unwilling to look Anakin in the eyes as he says this, and Anakin sees a white scar at the nape of his neck, usually covered by his tunic.

 

He opens his eyes. Obi-wan is still kneeling in front of him, looking worried, hand again hovering next to his shoulder, not sure whether he should touch him or not.

"Yeah, I'm allright." Anakin says. He takes Obi-Wan's hand and holds it in both of his own. Obi-wan looks relieved. "Allright." He says and stands. "I'll just get dressed and we can go, okay?"

"Yeah, okay." Anakin says, unable to look at him. He stares at Obi-wan's hand. It's cold and callused from his lightsaber. Strangely, he realizes Obi-wan's hands are smaller than his own now. Usually that would have pleased him, but right now he can't help wishing Obi-wan was still the young Jedi who had awed him as a boy. 

When they'd first come back to the temple after Naboo, everyone had shunned him, and he latched onto Obi-wan, the only person who always seemed pleased to see him. After his classes he would wander through the temple until he found Obi-wan, shuffling down the halls with his stiff, loping walk. Obi-wan would turn and smile and Anakin would run to him, grabbing his hand to hold as they walked and Obi-wan asked him about his day. Back then Obi-wan had towered over him, his hand completely engulfing Anakin's child hand. 

On impulse, he raises Obi-wan's hand to his mouth and kisses the knuckles. Almost immediately he regrets it. Stupid, he thinks, stupid stupid stupid.

But Obi-wan, while surprised, doesn't seem to mind. "Anakin," he says gently. "Don't worry. Everything passes in time. We'll be allright, if it is the will of the force."

"Yeah." Anakin says, and forces himself to look up, smile. Forces himself to let go of Obi-wan's hand. "We'll be allright."


End file.
